I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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