I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
