who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
