i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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