I wish I could teleport
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
