I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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