You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
