i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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