Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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