Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
