just tell him i said nine months
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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