Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
