happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
