you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
