she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
