It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he fucked my hip out of place.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
