ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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