i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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