So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
