dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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