By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
