i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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