Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
