god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
