I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
