Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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