Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
