tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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