I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
