But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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