When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
