I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
