She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
