It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
