toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
