Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
