I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
