I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
