You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
