Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
