like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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