Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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