Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
