PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
