I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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