I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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