Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
