This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
