PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
