how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
