Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i dont even know how to be here
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
