Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
