The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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