party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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