White coat. Heels.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
